Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow

All good things must come to an end, as they say, and I believe a blog is no different. It is the natural cycle of things to be born, grow to maturity, wilt and die. For the last few posts, I have felt that the purpose of this blog has been declining and nearing the end of its shelf life. That is not to say that there will never be another post from your dear Lucky here again, but I feel that this period has run its course and it is time to move on to bigger and better things.

In the last year, I have made tremendous strides to reintegrate art back into my life. So much so that I have changed my major and redefined what the future of my education and life holds. It has been a wonderful journey of self exploration and I have enjoyed the time I have had posting here. It has given me experience in expressing myself via art and words and I believe the tools I have gained will serve me well in my future endeavors.

Ah yes, the future. Given the rantiness of a few of my more recent posts, it has become apparent that the tone of my narrative has changed from a fun loving art student to a young woman wishing to impart some wisdom and perspective on social and political issues. This does not feel like the correct venue for such thoughts and thus I have begun a new blog which can be viewed here. There will still be art, but more political satire and comic strips poking at social issues.

For this last, regular post, I’ll leave you with my most recent portrait piece and the time lapse video of its creation. This is Ada, whom I have not yet had the chance to meet in person but is extremely adorable and, from what I hear, wicked smart.

It has been a great journey here in the Right Brain Retrain and I hope the few of you that read regularly will follow me on to my new endeavors. Thank you all for your continued support!

Until we meet again, this is Lucky signing out.

Where the @%*# are your Parents?!

Spring Break has FINALLY arrived! Remarkably enough, I evaded pulling any all-nighters this last week. This was shocking since I somehow managed to put myself in the position to pull three during the month of February, but I digress...

The dear boyfriend and I have been watching a bunch of "Dose of Buckley" videos on YouTube lately and, as such, have been having some philosophical conversations about life, young people and the evolution of 'fame'. I feel like I must be getting old because my tolerance for the idiotic youth of America seems to lessen more and more with each passing year. It's not really their fault, what with being raised by a generation that uses TV and techno gadgets as a replacement for babysitters and parenting in general. However, I can't take a tour of the country to slap every slacker parent in the mouth. I'd never have time for anything else and probably wouldn't reach even a fraction of the offenders.

So, what's my beef with young people, you might ask? Self entitlement, mainly. I don't think it's a new concept, but getting on in years has gained me some perspective on the human condition. The problem that arises in this ever advancing technological age is the over saturation of the Internet and media with content from these unintelligent, ego-inflated, selfish little bastards.

Everyone wants attention, but few really deserve it. Okay, not everyone wants attention, but there seems to be an ongoing fixation with the concept of 'fame' in our society. Uncreative American welps want to be the next Brad Pitt, or Charleze Theron, or (insert some current icon that I don't care enough about to remember their name here). Memes are a perfect example. One idiot makes a video, five other idiots see it and say "Hey, that's popular. I can do that, too!" Then those idiots each make a similar video and the cycle continues as stupidity replicates at an exponential rate (to the fifth power in this specific example). Instead of developing talents and creating their own content, young people jump on the meme band wagon and replicate viral media in the hopes of getting views or likes.

No one lives forever and it's part of the human drive to want to leave an impression that will last passed our own existence (some people have kids, some people start a charity and some people just give every guy they meet a blow job). However, popularity does NOT equal immortality. Do you know how many popular kids from high school whose names I can actually remember? Maybe three, at best. The rest are mostly filed away as "rich douchebag".

Well, that was a fun little rant, but some of you may be thinking "Hey Lucky, you have a DeviantArt account, post your work on social media and you blog. Aren't you just trying to get attention like these idiotic kids you're talking about?" (and if you weren't thinking that, you should be). The answer is "yes".

I don't want to be famous in the sense that people would recognize me on the street. I do, however, hope to gain recognition for my artwork (and perhaps get a job). A great deal of my life has been spent honing my talents and, while I do it for the simple joy of creating art, I do hope that one day my work will be known (again, at least enough to get me a job). There is a big difference in perfecting your own skill set and gaining notoriety by creating original content than to simple get a few thousand subscribers or views because you filmed your own rendition of the Harlem Shake. Lets face it, do those subscribers really know who you are or give a shit if you croak next week? No, they don't. They won't even notice or care that you're gone because they didn't give a fuck about you in the first place.

Being known and securing a legacy that will live on after you have died are two different things. I have reached neither, so, given my lack of empirical knowledge, I suppose I should go ahead and wrap this up. Today's picture is a charcoal portrait of a gentleman named Steve. He's retired and going to school for art because, well, he loves it. Steve has made more of an impact on the world by creating a positive effect in ONE person's life than some 14 year old  with 150k views could ever hope to.

So, without further a due, here it is:

Until next time!

"Snow" Day

With classes cancelled for today, I thought it would be an appropriate time to update the blog. I use "snow" day liberally because it's not the awesome, white, fluffy stuff that you can sled across and build snowmen out of. No, it's the nasty "mixed" precipitation that accumulates in the form of ice and slush and pelts you with frozen icy bits from the sky. On a funny note, I didn't know class was cancelled until after I spent 30 minutes scraping ice off my car and getting up to campus.

I had a clue class might have been when I saw a completely vacant parking lot at the technical college on my way, and was almost sure when I pulled up and saw that my universities lot looked about the same. Still, like a lost puppy, I parked and checked my phone to be sure. Let it be known that I checked my phone before I left, but the notice was posted on the regular university site which I rarely navigate to. Even after confirming that class was not going to be in session today, I still sat there for another minute or two like some lingering, academics stalker.

This brings me to today's point. I've talked about it before, but I will continue to remind myself (and any potential readers) that I know when I am doing what I love. Genuine heartache filled me when I accepted that I would not be working in the studio today. For most, it would be like a concert, or movie showing being cancelled or an old friend you haven't seen in a while bailing out on plans with you because something unexpected came up. It sounded so fun and you were looking forward to it, weren't you? Well, those feelings of disappointment are shared by me today... Except replace recreational plans with academic pursuits.

I've been having positive anxiety every school night for the last two weeks now. I guess positive anxiety could probably be better described as excitement. The best way that I can explain it is when I lay down to go to bed, I am like a kid on Christmas Eve (or any appropriate holiday based on your particular beliefs). I want it to be tomorrow and I can't wait! The only thing I want is to fall asleep so the next day will hurry up and be here. Of course, the excitement can create a conflict because it's hard to fall asleep when your mind is a flurry of excitement. I can't wait to get back to class and open the next gift of knowledge! Now, it should be noted, these feelings begin to fade somewhere around the six hour mark, but that's my own fault for shoving 12 credit hours into one day.

Either way, it is yet another sign that I am on the right path. My course continues to be corrected and with each alteration, my present and future look much brighter. For instance: I discovered I could fit the five years of planned courses for the Graphic Design and Illustration Dual Major into four years at the cost of removing all free blocks to take extra curricular courses (drawing, painting, etc). I accepted this, but began to lose focus. After some advisement from an instructor on lesser known options (things not included on the Univ. website), I discovered that I have the option to double major. After checking schedule options and what courses would be dropped, I decided to lose the Graphic Design aspect of my degree, focus on Illustration only and double major with drawing (because I love to draw). Even if I can't get a BFA in a second area concurrently, I will still be dropping Graphic Design.

It's all based in the notion of "If it feels wrong, don't do it." I was never too terribly excited about Graphic Design. It seemed boring and pursuing it was a continuation of my left brain practicality saying "This will get you a job, so do it." Well, money isn't everything (still), and I don't want to waste my time and the government's money learning about something that I have little desire to do on a daily basis. Beyond that, Illustrators have the same opportunities as Graphic Designers. Not in the sense that they will apply for and get the same jobs, but often they will work in conjunction at the same firms. Illustration was what excited me and if supplemented with excessive drawing courses (and perhaps an extra painting course), NOTHING CAN STOP ME!!

I suppose that's all for now. I didn't really have a work planned to post here, so I'll dig something up really quickly... Just a moment... Hmm... Oooh, that could work... Now a little Photoshop... And...

I almost forgot that we got to work with some clay last class period. This little dude is made from stoneware clay and the pictures were taken prior to being fired in a kiln (I won't see him again until next Tuesday D:). His dimensions are about 2.5" x 3" x 3", I'll have to get a more accurate measurement next class. Our assignment was to make a creature that could fit within the small box supplied by our instructor. He wanted them small because he planned to fire all 36 clay critters from his two sections at once. I started off trying to make a turtle, but had some difficulty, so I went for a little dragon instead. No, he doesn't have arms, but I like him that way. Every time I tried to give him arms, it looked stupid, so I left them off and added wings instead. I realized later how I could have added the appendages, but I am still pleased with how he (or she, I suppose) turned out.

Okay, so that's definitely it for now. Until next time!

I Survived The Week! HOORAYYyyeezzzZZZzzzZZzzz...

Phew, you know, I wasn't sure I was going to make it through this week. However, after spending a horrendous 36 hours conscious, I managed to pull through and get everything caught up.

My body isn't what it used to be and the lack of sleep plus three Rockstar energy drinks in a 24 hour period probably knocked at least 6 months off of my life span. I'm being serious. It was actually mildly painful when I finally laid down to sleep after my Art History exam. My poor little heart, I really should be nicer to it.

What made me fall behind? Well, I underestimated the time needed to complete a project and due to general laziness over the weekend I put off studying for my first exam in, as mentioned before, Art History. The test ended up not being too terrible, but I wouldn't have felt that way had I not skipped Drawing II to cram for three hours before the test began.

The problem arose with my 3D project. The assignment was to build two walls constructed of 100 pieces of cardboard. Each wall had to use the same shape (although the size and proportions of the shape could vary), one had to be constructed of regular cardboard, the other had to have at least one side with the corrugation exposed, the walls had to either intersect or create tension and the whole thing had to be free standing. Here's what I turned in:

"Conflict in Cardboard"

I had half of the curving wall done when I started work on this Wednesday afternoon. Most of my triangles were cut out and I thought it might take me 4 to 6 hours to get to a point where I could finish the rest in class. What a gross underestimation. I worked on that things for 8 to 10 hours and then ended up using the entire 2 hours in class to finish it. I hadn't factored in cutting out all the squares and while the super glue I used was quick, it didn't cause some issues.

When I found a stopping point Wednesday night, it was actually Thursday morning at 3:45am. Anyone who knows me knows that I will generally choose to pull an all-nighter rather than risk sleeping through my alarm if I'm going to get 3 hours of sleep or less. I knew this would be the case and chose not to risk it. I didn't get much done between 4:00 and 7:00am (I got my back pack ready and watched a whole bunch of Home Movies episodes), but I did leave early to get some extra time in the studio to finish those damned walls.

The whole thing did actually have some meaning for me, so I'll do my best to put it into words. The two walls represent the duality of thought. I am always interested in the conflict between the right and left brain. The curvy triangular wall represents the creative right brain while the uniform square wall represents the rigid left brain. Originally, the triangular wall was the only one that was going to break apart. Very right brain people have a difficult time fitting into the rigid left brain world that society has created. It wasn't until later that I wanted the squared wall to be effected as well. Left brained individuals are very much about logic and step by step process and can sometimes become frustrated when dealing with a right brain who is fluttering in the wind. However, when they both smash together and play their parts well, they can make a beautiful piece of art.

It's not my favorite piece from that class so far, but the first with any meaning. I'll leave you with an image of the last assignment. It was an exercise in movement and repetition. We constructed 12 shapes with the same proportions made of packaging material (cereal boxes, 6 pack carboard, etc). I used boxes of tea and a glued card stock on the other die for color (something everyone got to do because of my ingenuity). I broke the rule for this assignment stating there should be 10% or less area of color. I don't mind the 2 point hit on my grade, though, because I'm really happy with the way it turned out.

"Ice Wrath"

That's all for now. Until next time!

Stone Age Meets Digital Age, Photography Style!

I'm going to try to keep this post as brief as possible, hopefully under 300 words. I am going to do this by trying to stay in the immediate past. Still, I've been known to ramble...

I am in Photography I this semester. It's been over a decade since I've handled film, development chemicals or photo paper and actually knew what I was doing. Needless to say, I don't trust myself (or currently have the time) to study ahead independently on dark room procedures.

Tuesday night I found myself playing around with my negatives. It was too late to go up to the MSU photo lab and, again, I have no confidence in myself (please refer to previous paragraph, sentence 2).

In a fit of innovation, I constructed a (mostly fire proof) light table using a floor lamp and a white sheet of printer paper and took close up shots of the negatives with my phone... I feel like MacGyver when I use more than two tools to solve a problem... Of course, one of those tools is usually my iPhone... Because smart phones are the Swiss Army knife for a digital society. Anyway...

Using a free, mobile Photoshop app, I straightened, cropped and inverted the negatives and was able to pull off some reasonably decent images. Most of the pictures are crap, I'm still figuring out this camera. In 36 shots, I have confidence in the content and technique of 1 image and I am looking forward to seeing a large print of another.

I won't ramble on about what this pictures means to me, but I will say that it has re-sparked the creative flame within me. So, with out further a due, here it is. Until next time! ... That was 291 words, by the way.

'Keep it in Perspective'

A WIP, Semester Anticipation and Healthy Life Changes!

Per usual, it has been too long since my last post. I had hoped to finish the drawing I am working on, but it has been causing me some trouble, so I'll just show you lovely people what I've done so far in the event that it never gets completed.

Oh look, it's Gollum!!

I decided to draw this little monster after my last blog post (some of you may remember the visual about fighting with myself while writing in my journal). I doubt I am the first to admit to others that I relate with Gollum, and I am certainly not the first to feel a connection to the character. His story such is a tragedy. That isn't to say that I think I am a complete tragedy, but there are similarities.

Much like Smeagol before the ring, when I was a child, my life was pretty simple and happy. Unfortunately, as many others who have come before me, I experienced some uninvited trauma in my later childhood. Smeagol didn't ask for the ring to come into his world, but once it was there, it dug its hooks in and became a damaging force for the rest of his life.

I have spent and continue to spend time and effort towards repairing the damage I inherited at a young age. The love and compassion of those close to me have fostered an environment in which I can really explore my own thoughts and feelings and heal my wounds. While most days I am able to compromise with my psyche's id, there are days when the angry child within calls to me like the precious. And so, you now understand why I feel a kinship to Gollum. However, I refuse to give into the darkness.

On a lighter note, class is back in session starting Tuesday!! This, by far, has felt like the longest break due to my employment status, or lack thereof. My goal for this semester is to procure a part time job that I can continue working at once summer arrives. Another goal is to quit smoking... I haven't been doing so well with that goal in the last 48 hours, but I continue to try.

Finally, I am making the switch to a whole foods plant based diet... Mostly. Josh and I watched a documentary called "Forks Overs Knives" the other day, and it inspired me to change my eating habits. The two main scientists in it showed the decades of research (done independently without knowledge of each other) showing very convincing evidence of links between the development of cancer cells and a diet heavy in meat and animal products.

I'm not going full blown vegan or even vegetarian at this point. I am not ready to quit drinking coffee, so I'm still getting some dairy consumption there from milk or creamer. Also, I love fish too much to cut it out of my life completely. At this point, though, I've managed to cut it down to one meal a week. Outside of those two things, my diet for the last week or so has consisted of mainly vegetables, fruits and grains. I feel pretty good... Well, except for the fact that I ate a bunch of nasty food at a late Christmas party last night, but no one's perfect.

Anyway, I think that about does it for now. With regular assignments coming in, hopefully I'll have more material and inspiration to post here more frequently. Until next time!

Ringing in 2013 with an Unconventional Resolution

I thought that, as I have been absent for some time now, it would be appropriate to ring in the new year with a blog post. Before getting into the nitty gritty of life changing matters, I suppose I should start off with content relevant to what this blog is supposed to be about... You know, art?

For Christmas, Josh and I spent a few days in Stockton visiting with his family. I felt that being with his family was more important than being with mine as a majority of his siblings had flown and driven in from Texas, Virginia and even as far as the UK. Before we went out to meet them, I had already made plans to create a piece of work for two of the three sisters that were visiting. This was due to the fact that I had an extremely belated birthday gift for the third and I didn't want to leave the other two out.

I came up with this plan less than 48 hours before we headed out to see them, so I didn't have time before hand to create anything that I felt would be worthy of being given as a gift. I also didn't work on it while we were out there due to the fact that I didn't have good access to internet for references and it seemed silly to waste what little time we had with them working on something that I could simply send them later.

We stayed in Stockton for about three days and I had a blast playing video games and board games, eating good food and socializing in an honest manor with his sisters. I actually was quite sad when we left because I don't get to experience such feelings of belonging in a large group very often. When we got home, I got to work on the gifts I had planned.

Without further a due, here they are:

Dory and Marlin for Jennifer

WALL-E and EVE for Deanna

 I spent a day working on each of these and am pretty pleased with the outcome. I asked them in advance what their favorite Disney movies were and just happened to luck out when they actually named two of my all-time favorites. Beyond that, my gift from them was actually a large sized sketch book and some water soluble graphite pencils, so it was even cooler to use the gifts they gave me to create these gifts for them. I had hoped they might be able to swing through town on their way(s) home to pick them up, but it probably worked out better that they couldn't. I'd like to get better pictures of them for my personal record. Now, on to New Years resolutions...

To call a promise I've made to myself a "New Years Resolution" might be an underestimation as I see it more as a necessary life change in order to live a fulfilling and happy life. I didn't really even think of it until this afternoon. I realize most people promise to lose weight or quit smoking (which I actually do need to do), but my promise to myself goes a little deeper.

I have trouble with honesty. This is due to the fact that my private thoughts were invaded at a young age (in the form of my parents reading my diary) and subsequently I was punished for having these thoughts. I believe this event is at the root of some of my dishonesty. Beyond having trouble with being honest in friendships and romantic relationships, I sometimes have trouble simply being honest with myself because I'm afraid that my private thoughts will be exposed and those I care about with shun me for them. Of course, as many of you may know, not being honest with yourself is pretty much sentencing the rest of your life to repeated mistakes and feelings of guilt.

It probably sounds silly, but my New Years resolution boiled down to it's basic essence is to keep a journal for the duration of at least this year, and possibly longer. I haven't kept a journal for an extended period since the incident with my parents occurred and I need to re acclimate to being honest with myself, my thoughts and my feelings without fear of being 'caught' or punished for them.

So, this is going to be an interesting year. I foresee a lot of internal conflict as I begin to break down my own cognitive dissonance and become what I would consider a whole and complete person. It's actually a really funny mental image: Me, intensely scribbling in a journal while arguing back and forth with myself (much like Gollum and Smeagol in Lord of the Rings) trying not to rip my hair out as I overcome the fear of what lurks beneath the surface of my own mind. So, wish me luck. Hopefully I'll still have a full head of hair for the next post!

Until next time!