Ringing in 2013 with an Unconventional Resolution

I thought that, as I have been absent for some time now, it would be appropriate to ring in the new year with a blog post. Before getting into the nitty gritty of life changing matters, I suppose I should start off with content relevant to what this blog is supposed to be about... You know, art?

For Christmas, Josh and I spent a few days in Stockton visiting with his family. I felt that being with his family was more important than being with mine as a majority of his siblings had flown and driven in from Texas, Virginia and even as far as the UK. Before we went out to meet them, I had already made plans to create a piece of work for two of the three sisters that were visiting. This was due to the fact that I had an extremely belated birthday gift for the third and I didn't want to leave the other two out.

I came up with this plan less than 48 hours before we headed out to see them, so I didn't have time before hand to create anything that I felt would be worthy of being given as a gift. I also didn't work on it while we were out there due to the fact that I didn't have good access to internet for references and it seemed silly to waste what little time we had with them working on something that I could simply send them later.

We stayed in Stockton for about three days and I had a blast playing video games and board games, eating good food and socializing in an honest manor with his sisters. I actually was quite sad when we left because I don't get to experience such feelings of belonging in a large group very often. When we got home, I got to work on the gifts I had planned.

Without further a due, here they are:

Dory and Marlin for Jennifer

WALL-E and EVE for Deanna

 I spent a day working on each of these and am pretty pleased with the outcome. I asked them in advance what their favorite Disney movies were and just happened to luck out when they actually named two of my all-time favorites. Beyond that, my gift from them was actually a large sized sketch book and some water soluble graphite pencils, so it was even cooler to use the gifts they gave me to create these gifts for them. I had hoped they might be able to swing through town on their way(s) home to pick them up, but it probably worked out better that they couldn't. I'd like to get better pictures of them for my personal record. Now, on to New Years resolutions...

To call a promise I've made to myself a "New Years Resolution" might be an underestimation as I see it more as a necessary life change in order to live a fulfilling and happy life. I didn't really even think of it until this afternoon. I realize most people promise to lose weight or quit smoking (which I actually do need to do), but my promise to myself goes a little deeper.

I have trouble with honesty. This is due to the fact that my private thoughts were invaded at a young age (in the form of my parents reading my diary) and subsequently I was punished for having these thoughts. I believe this event is at the root of some of my dishonesty. Beyond having trouble with being honest in friendships and romantic relationships, I sometimes have trouble simply being honest with myself because I'm afraid that my private thoughts will be exposed and those I care about with shun me for them. Of course, as many of you may know, not being honest with yourself is pretty much sentencing the rest of your life to repeated mistakes and feelings of guilt.

It probably sounds silly, but my New Years resolution boiled down to it's basic essence is to keep a journal for the duration of at least this year, and possibly longer. I haven't kept a journal for an extended period since the incident with my parents occurred and I need to re acclimate to being honest with myself, my thoughts and my feelings without fear of being 'caught' or punished for them.

So, this is going to be an interesting year. I foresee a lot of internal conflict as I begin to break down my own cognitive dissonance and become what I would consider a whole and complete person. It's actually a really funny mental image: Me, intensely scribbling in a journal while arguing back and forth with myself (much like Gollum and Smeagol in Lord of the Rings) trying not to rip my hair out as I overcome the fear of what lurks beneath the surface of my own mind. So, wish me luck. Hopefully I'll still have a full head of hair for the next post!

Until next time!

Overcoming the Fear of Failure

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MOMMY

    Phew, it's been a while since I've posted anything. It couldn't be helped, though, I was struggling to get through the final weeks of an 18 hour semester. Thank goodness it is over!

    I've also been struggling to find pieces to work on this last week. Oh yes, my lovely blog was ever present in my mind my first day without class, but I've been suffering what some refer to 'writer's block,' but what I refer to it as 'Creative Constipation.' I've been finding some creative comfort in making these lovely Minecraft Inspired Paintings, but the task was missing something very important... A challenge.


    I have a few different projects that I am working on, or at the very least I am thinking about, so I though it fitting to choose a subject from one of these ideas for this weeks blog. While the characters in the piece were quite familiar and, in a sense, easy for me to draw, I wanted to break out of the norm in how I was going to draw them. Enter traditional medium!


    The Robot and Alien in this weeks piece are a part of a children's comic book I've been working on for a while now. It aims to teach children the value in working together instead of fighting each other. While these characters started on a piece of paper and were sketched out in pencil, since I began creation of the pages over a year ago, they have really only been drawn and, more importantly, colored in Photoshop.


    I like Photoshop because the 'Undo' option creates a saftey net and layers provide a testing phase for potential elements to be added to the image. If you don't like what was drawn, just hide that layer. If you messed up a stroke, Ctrl+Z. While photoshop can make creating art easier and less stressful, I've begun to feel that it moves me further from my artistic roots of crayons, pencils, markers, blenders and the traditional medium like these things. When I try to return to these traditional methods of art, I find myself paniced by the idea that I cannot undo the color I add, cannot take back the mishapen tree in the bottom right of the frame.
So, this week's piece served as a first step to overcoming the fear of failure. Not only artists are plagued by the notion of perfection, but many people I have talked to do not complete or even start tasks because the perceived disappointed from a possible failure feels like too much of a risk to even try. My biggest weakness with traditional medium is color. I can sketch and pen a work all day, but I freeze in terror when it comes to coloring with a physical utensil.


    While I may find a million little things I don't like in ever piece that I do, I can honestly say that may adventure outside of my comfort zone actually turned out pretty well! So, without further a due, here is this weeks work:

    This weeks piece took me about 1 hour and 45 minutes to complete. Holy crap, that's almost to the two hour limit!! Given that each project is getting more and more time spend on it, the following blog posts will have an increased goal of 1 hour 30 minutes and a limit of 3 hours.

    I can't say whether I will continue with traditional medium next week, but it is a likely possibility. I do have some squirrels that I would like to start working on. Regardless of what the future holds, I hope other artists can take some comfort in knowing that they are not the only ones afraid to fail. One of the best quotes I have ever heard is that 'when we are in our comfort zone, we are not growing.' Don't be afraid to mess up. Every mistake serves as a potential lesson for future works, and if you don't try to reach beyond what you know you can already do, how will you know how far you can go?

    Until next time!