Ringing in 2013 with an Unconventional Resolution

I thought that, as I have been absent for some time now, it would be appropriate to ring in the new year with a blog post. Before getting into the nitty gritty of life changing matters, I suppose I should start off with content relevant to what this blog is supposed to be about... You know, art?

For Christmas, Josh and I spent a few days in Stockton visiting with his family. I felt that being with his family was more important than being with mine as a majority of his siblings had flown and driven in from Texas, Virginia and even as far as the UK. Before we went out to meet them, I had already made plans to create a piece of work for two of the three sisters that were visiting. This was due to the fact that I had an extremely belated birthday gift for the third and I didn't want to leave the other two out.

I came up with this plan less than 48 hours before we headed out to see them, so I didn't have time before hand to create anything that I felt would be worthy of being given as a gift. I also didn't work on it while we were out there due to the fact that I didn't have good access to internet for references and it seemed silly to waste what little time we had with them working on something that I could simply send them later.

We stayed in Stockton for about three days and I had a blast playing video games and board games, eating good food and socializing in an honest manor with his sisters. I actually was quite sad when we left because I don't get to experience such feelings of belonging in a large group very often. When we got home, I got to work on the gifts I had planned.

Without further a due, here they are:

Dory and Marlin for Jennifer

WALL-E and EVE for Deanna

 I spent a day working on each of these and am pretty pleased with the outcome. I asked them in advance what their favorite Disney movies were and just happened to luck out when they actually named two of my all-time favorites. Beyond that, my gift from them was actually a large sized sketch book and some water soluble graphite pencils, so it was even cooler to use the gifts they gave me to create these gifts for them. I had hoped they might be able to swing through town on their way(s) home to pick them up, but it probably worked out better that they couldn't. I'd like to get better pictures of them for my personal record. Now, on to New Years resolutions...

To call a promise I've made to myself a "New Years Resolution" might be an underestimation as I see it more as a necessary life change in order to live a fulfilling and happy life. I didn't really even think of it until this afternoon. I realize most people promise to lose weight or quit smoking (which I actually do need to do), but my promise to myself goes a little deeper.

I have trouble with honesty. This is due to the fact that my private thoughts were invaded at a young age (in the form of my parents reading my diary) and subsequently I was punished for having these thoughts. I believe this event is at the root of some of my dishonesty. Beyond having trouble with being honest in friendships and romantic relationships, I sometimes have trouble simply being honest with myself because I'm afraid that my private thoughts will be exposed and those I care about with shun me for them. Of course, as many of you may know, not being honest with yourself is pretty much sentencing the rest of your life to repeated mistakes and feelings of guilt.

It probably sounds silly, but my New Years resolution boiled down to it's basic essence is to keep a journal for the duration of at least this year, and possibly longer. I haven't kept a journal for an extended period since the incident with my parents occurred and I need to re acclimate to being honest with myself, my thoughts and my feelings without fear of being 'caught' or punished for them.

So, this is going to be an interesting year. I foresee a lot of internal conflict as I begin to break down my own cognitive dissonance and become what I would consider a whole and complete person. It's actually a really funny mental image: Me, intensely scribbling in a journal while arguing back and forth with myself (much like Gollum and Smeagol in Lord of the Rings) trying not to rip my hair out as I overcome the fear of what lurks beneath the surface of my own mind. So, wish me luck. Hopefully I'll still have a full head of hair for the next post!

Until next time!