A WIP, Semester Anticipation and Healthy Life Changes!

Per usual, it has been too long since my last post. I had hoped to finish the drawing I am working on, but it has been causing me some trouble, so I'll just show you lovely people what I've done so far in the event that it never gets completed.

Oh look, it's Gollum!!

I decided to draw this little monster after my last blog post (some of you may remember the visual about fighting with myself while writing in my journal). I doubt I am the first to admit to others that I relate with Gollum, and I am certainly not the first to feel a connection to the character. His story such is a tragedy. That isn't to say that I think I am a complete tragedy, but there are similarities.

Much like Smeagol before the ring, when I was a child, my life was pretty simple and happy. Unfortunately, as many others who have come before me, I experienced some uninvited trauma in my later childhood. Smeagol didn't ask for the ring to come into his world, but once it was there, it dug its hooks in and became a damaging force for the rest of his life.

I have spent and continue to spend time and effort towards repairing the damage I inherited at a young age. The love and compassion of those close to me have fostered an environment in which I can really explore my own thoughts and feelings and heal my wounds. While most days I am able to compromise with my psyche's id, there are days when the angry child within calls to me like the precious. And so, you now understand why I feel a kinship to Gollum. However, I refuse to give into the darkness.

On a lighter note, class is back in session starting Tuesday!! This, by far, has felt like the longest break due to my employment status, or lack thereof. My goal for this semester is to procure a part time job that I can continue working at once summer arrives. Another goal is to quit smoking... I haven't been doing so well with that goal in the last 48 hours, but I continue to try.

Finally, I am making the switch to a whole foods plant based diet... Mostly. Josh and I watched a documentary called "Forks Overs Knives" the other day, and it inspired me to change my eating habits. The two main scientists in it showed the decades of research (done independently without knowledge of each other) showing very convincing evidence of links between the development of cancer cells and a diet heavy in meat and animal products.

I'm not going full blown vegan or even vegetarian at this point. I am not ready to quit drinking coffee, so I'm still getting some dairy consumption there from milk or creamer. Also, I love fish too much to cut it out of my life completely. At this point, though, I've managed to cut it down to one meal a week. Outside of those two things, my diet for the last week or so has consisted of mainly vegetables, fruits and grains. I feel pretty good... Well, except for the fact that I ate a bunch of nasty food at a late Christmas party last night, but no one's perfect.

Anyway, I think that about does it for now. With regular assignments coming in, hopefully I'll have more material and inspiration to post here more frequently. Until next time!

Ringing in 2013 with an Unconventional Resolution

I thought that, as I have been absent for some time now, it would be appropriate to ring in the new year with a blog post. Before getting into the nitty gritty of life changing matters, I suppose I should start off with content relevant to what this blog is supposed to be about... You know, art?

For Christmas, Josh and I spent a few days in Stockton visiting with his family. I felt that being with his family was more important than being with mine as a majority of his siblings had flown and driven in from Texas, Virginia and even as far as the UK. Before we went out to meet them, I had already made plans to create a piece of work for two of the three sisters that were visiting. This was due to the fact that I had an extremely belated birthday gift for the third and I didn't want to leave the other two out.

I came up with this plan less than 48 hours before we headed out to see them, so I didn't have time before hand to create anything that I felt would be worthy of being given as a gift. I also didn't work on it while we were out there due to the fact that I didn't have good access to internet for references and it seemed silly to waste what little time we had with them working on something that I could simply send them later.

We stayed in Stockton for about three days and I had a blast playing video games and board games, eating good food and socializing in an honest manor with his sisters. I actually was quite sad when we left because I don't get to experience such feelings of belonging in a large group very often. When we got home, I got to work on the gifts I had planned.

Without further a due, here they are:

Dory and Marlin for Jennifer

WALL-E and EVE for Deanna

 I spent a day working on each of these and am pretty pleased with the outcome. I asked them in advance what their favorite Disney movies were and just happened to luck out when they actually named two of my all-time favorites. Beyond that, my gift from them was actually a large sized sketch book and some water soluble graphite pencils, so it was even cooler to use the gifts they gave me to create these gifts for them. I had hoped they might be able to swing through town on their way(s) home to pick them up, but it probably worked out better that they couldn't. I'd like to get better pictures of them for my personal record. Now, on to New Years resolutions...

To call a promise I've made to myself a "New Years Resolution" might be an underestimation as I see it more as a necessary life change in order to live a fulfilling and happy life. I didn't really even think of it until this afternoon. I realize most people promise to lose weight or quit smoking (which I actually do need to do), but my promise to myself goes a little deeper.

I have trouble with honesty. This is due to the fact that my private thoughts were invaded at a young age (in the form of my parents reading my diary) and subsequently I was punished for having these thoughts. I believe this event is at the root of some of my dishonesty. Beyond having trouble with being honest in friendships and romantic relationships, I sometimes have trouble simply being honest with myself because I'm afraid that my private thoughts will be exposed and those I care about with shun me for them. Of course, as many of you may know, not being honest with yourself is pretty much sentencing the rest of your life to repeated mistakes and feelings of guilt.

It probably sounds silly, but my New Years resolution boiled down to it's basic essence is to keep a journal for the duration of at least this year, and possibly longer. I haven't kept a journal for an extended period since the incident with my parents occurred and I need to re acclimate to being honest with myself, my thoughts and my feelings without fear of being 'caught' or punished for them.

So, this is going to be an interesting year. I foresee a lot of internal conflict as I begin to break down my own cognitive dissonance and become what I would consider a whole and complete person. It's actually a really funny mental image: Me, intensely scribbling in a journal while arguing back and forth with myself (much like Gollum and Smeagol in Lord of the Rings) trying not to rip my hair out as I overcome the fear of what lurks beneath the surface of my own mind. So, wish me luck. Hopefully I'll still have a full head of hair for the next post!

Until next time!